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swing&&stare
the regular squid's second home
Masaya ako sa buhay. Maraming nagpapasaya sakin. May isang katangian lang talaga ako na kahit ako mismo hindi ko maisip kung bakit ganun. Tama naman yung pagpapalaki sakin ng mga magulang ko. Nakakapagtaka talaga. Nakakapagtaka na masyadong malakas ang hatak ng mga hindi naaabot na bagay sakin. Mula nung nagkamuwang ako ganito na ako. Para maging madali ang usapan, ang hilig kong pagtuunan ng pansin ang mga taong hindi naman maaabot sa totoong buhay. Kasi sa buhay may masaklap na katotohanan na kahit nasa iisang mundo kayo, naglalakad kayo sa ilalim ng iisang langit, malayo kayong magkatagpo, malayong magkaroon kayo ng ugnayan. Sa kaso ko, sabihin na nating humahanga ako sa mga ganung tao. Yung mga tinatawag nilang “fictional”, “unattainable” at higit sa lahat, “pantasya”. Ang tanga lang kasi alam ko naman na ganun nga yung mga nangyayare, na walang patutunguhan lahat kahit tawagin mo pa ang buong Justice League, hindi lang si Batman. Ang hindi ko maintindihan, kung bakit hindi ko maibaling yung atensyon ko sa ibang bagay, sa mga bagay na totoo. Yung mga may sense. Siguro kasi tingin ko walang may ibang sense? Hindi ko din alam. Pakiramdam ko masyado kong sinasayang ang pagkabata ko sa mga ganitong bagay pero wala akong maisip na ibang magawa hindi ko ata alam pano solusyonan to. Ang hirap sakin, tingin ko ito lang yung masayang bagay. E kasi naman dito lang ako nakakakuha ng saya eh. Kakaibang saya na binibigay sakin ng mga tao sa paligid ko. Alam ko kung sino man makakabasa nito maaawa sakin. Sakto lang yan, kahit ako naaawa sa sarili ko eh. Hindi ko na alam kung pano lalabas sa bisyo kong to. Tingin ko naman sa ngayon, ayoko pang lumabas. Masyado pa akong nagsasaya. Nagsasaya sa bagay na hindi naman totoo, hindi naman maabot, hindi naman mapapasakin. Pinapaasa ko lang sarili ko, pero masaya naman eh. Kahit na alam ko na sa dulo, ako din yung talo. Pagbali-baliktarin mo pa. Nagagalit ako sa sarili ko pero wala akong magawa. O ayoko lang talagang humanap ng solusyon. Pwede bang dito muna ako? Ayoko muna kasi sa totoong mundo. Ang sama kasi sakin ng totoong mundo eh. Pwede naman diba? Mundo ko naman to. Ako parin yung responsable sa pwedeng mangyari sakin at sa pwede kong maramdaman sa huli, masakit man o masaya. Pinili ko yun at alam ko naman yung pinapasok ko. Siguro maiisip ko din magbago. Maiisip ko din na harapin ng buong tapang ang totoong mundo, pero hindi muna ngayon. Duwag pa ako. Tulad nga ng sabi ko sa mga kaibigan ko, takot ako sa rejection. Totoo yun. Ang pangit ng pananaw ko sa buhay no? Masaya pa ako eh. At hanggat masaya ako, walang pipigil sakin. Hindi ang mga mapanghusgang tingin ng mga tao ang pipigil sakin. Ako ang magsasabi sa sarili ko kung kelan ako titigil. Buhay ko ito at ako ang bahala dito. Kahit na minsan galit na galit na ako sa sarili ko, hindi ko talaga makuhang huminto. Kumbaga sa makina, takbo lang ng takbo hanggat hindi nagooverheat. Hindi pa naman ako pagod. Basta. Alam ko gagawin ko. Kahit magulo. Hahanap ako ng paraan para makalabas ng buhay dito. 
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curently watching I Survived and thinking that Philippine rallies are the worst. some people gets violent. kulang nalang pumatay sila ng tao. scary, i swear. and Gloria Arroyo a big butt face! bwaha. everytime i see her face, all i can think of is corruption. mean, yes. but what can i do? i'm young and i think this way. which reminds me of my previous facebook status that became controversial in a way. lol. they made a big deal out of it, that's why.
the story is, we have this really corrupt town mayor. and he's re-elected by the way. we don't like his system anymore and we seriously want to change but majority of the people doesn't want to. i was so pissed that i put it in facebook. it says 'What's on your mind?' anyway so i typed what's on my mind at that moment. unfortunately, my aunt read what i've posted and immediately called my mom to ask me to take that status down. i refused. lol. her reason? the re-elected corrupt mayor is our 'relative'. mind you, i don't even honor that. he doesn't even know me. we're just related by blood and i can say that it's a shame, really. i don't want to be connected, in any way, to a person who's causing so much pain and trouble to the whole town. that's just too disgusting. if only i can drain my blood and put some gorgeous person's blood in my body i would! lol, anyway, i refused to take my status down and i think my aunt's kinda pissed off at me. well, i have my freedom of speech and i will never be sorry for being honest.

oh darn, i miss my friends. -.-

Current Mood: thoughtful thoughtful

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Yo, blog. How long has it been? I missed you.  In case you wanna ask how I’ve been, I’ve been fine, I think. I’m using my brain cells as often as I do. I do not exactly understand why but I think this is because of “I-turned-18-so-I-must-think-maturely” thing. Sometimes just by merely looking at how things are going around me, I tend to think, think, think, and then come up with reasons, possibilities, and other things that, let’s just say, not normally what my usual self would think of. Yay. Can you say I’ve matured a bit? Somehow it feels relieving to think that I’ve already matured because I know I can already take charge of my life. But still there’s one thing that I know I can never take charge of. The saddest reality of life—atleast for me, is not being able to control my emotions. I think too much especially when it comes to having, ya know, relationships. Ugh. I’m getting kind of impatient and not to mention, depressed. I keep thinking maybe I’m not good enough. But what’s contradicting that feeling is when your friends say that you’re the best and you shouldn’t think that way. I don’t tell them this anymore but I’m really really confused. The kind of confusion that makes you wanna eat the whole fridge just so you can fucking forget that you have to think of those stupid things. Yes, I am completely aware that this is kind of stupid and childish (uh, this part’s contradicting :D) but this is really what I feel. Complicated ne? I do not understand anymore. Recently, I also think that maybe I am not being true to myself. I hold back too much and I think I’m not happy anymore. I may look carefree but I’m still holding back too much. Too much that it’s already boring and lame. I guess I don’t want to disappoint others but I think I’m disappointing myself. I wonder when will I come out of this pretentious state of mine. Maaah, now I even think I’m pretentious. I’m the worst ne? Maybe I need time to think things over; time to think what I really wanna do and how will I handle the reactions that will arise around me. It’s hard being in this stage. Well, wish me luck. I still have a lifetime ahead of me. Gambatte!
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help. tulong. kailangan ko ng tulong. kasi ganito, alam ko ang babaw pero nakakainis lang di ko kasi maalis sa isip ko.

meron kasi akong laging nakikita na lalake sa street kung saan dati kaming nakatira. sa kadahilanang palagi ko siyang nakikita, napagpasyahan kong tambay siya. kaya ang tawag namingmagpipinsan sakanya ay Tambi. tapos nalaman ko sa isa kong kumag na pinsan na Kimwell daw pangalan niya. may mutual friend sila e. kaso medyo naghihinala ako kasi buladas yung pinsan ko. kalaunan, nasanay akong tawagin siyang Kimwell. tapos nalaman ko ulit sa isa ko pang pinsan na Julien/Julienne (basta ganyan ang pronunciation) yung pangalan niya. sabi daw yun nung kaklase niyang naka-tira sa same compound na tinitirahan nila Tambi. medyo naniniwala ako at ang dami ko pang nakuhang info.

ang masaklap, lumipat kami ng bahay. pero nakikita ko padin siya kasi lagi akong nagpupunta sa bahay ng friend ko na taga dun din sa street na yun kaso lang madalang nalang. nung nakita ko ulit siya, hindi ko alam pero hindi ko talaga napipigilan yung emosyon ko. pati yung ngiti ko nilalaglag ako. halata na nga ata e. at isa pang ewan ko eh kung napatingin lang ba siya sakin kagabi ng mga sabihin na nating sampung segundo dahil pulang pula yung lipstick ko o ano. ako pa nga yung unang umalis ng tingin kasi hindi ko na siya kinaya. tapos nung nakita ko ulit siya nung parehong gabi, nag iinuman sila, nung pasakay na kami ng taxi nakatingin padin siya. syempre kaya ko nakitang nakatingin siya kasi nakatingin din ako. hindi ko alam. ang immature at ang loser sabihin niyo na pero grabe, hindi ko kaya yung ganung pakiramdam.

ngayona ng problema ko, gusto kong malaman kung ano ba talaga yung totoo niyang pangalan. nakaka-frustrate na kasi. kahit pangalan lang. :(

kung may nakakakilala naman sakanya, please kailangan ko talagang malaman pangalan niya. matangkad siya medyo, maputi, gwapo (hihi), tapos ang madalas niyang kasama eh yung bumbay na Vincent ang pangalan. taragis yung bumbay alam ko pangalan, siya hindi. :(
yung street na tinutukoy ko ay Galicia St. sa Sampaloc, Manila.

yuck, nanawagan talaga no? haha. kailangan ko talaga.

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Current Mood: hopeful hopeful

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Pare1: Pare may pilikmata ka na nalaglag o. Make a wish.
Pare2: Sana magkaroon ako ng maraming wishes.

At biglang nalagas ang kanyang mga pilikmata. :D

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Liking someone doesn’t always mean that you have to be lovers. Sometimes, you just have to be friends—sweet friends.

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Dalawa lang ang inig sabihin kapag tinititigan ka ng isang tao. Yun e kung may MALI sayo, o may TAMA siya sayo. :)

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Bata kumakanta habang nanunungkit ng malalaking santol…
“mahal kita mahal kita hindi ito bola..”

Sagot ng kapreng nasa taas ng puno…
“itlog ko yan itlog ko yan hindi yan bunga..”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

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Do you know who is the best couple in the world?

SMILE and TEARS.

Rarely are they seen together but when they combine, it’s the BEST moment of your life. :)

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“ang mata ay nasa harap upang makita ang daanan, hindi para iyakan ang mga nagdaan na.”
-Doraemon

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Tanong:
Kelan mahirap matulog?
Sagot:
Kapag masarap ang katabi.

Tanong ulet:
Kelan mahirap gumising?
Sagot:
Kapag pagod kagabi. :)

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An anti-Christ couple had a son. They never introduced nor mentioned GOD to their son. One day, the couple was killed in front of their son. Their neighbor adopted the child and enrolled him in a school. They told the teacher that the boy didn't know anything about God. During class, the teacher showed a picture of Jesus and asked, "Who among you know this man?". A child raised his hand. The shocked Teacher called the child. The child answered, "He was the man holding me tight when my parents died".

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Isang lolo kumakanta habang naglalakad sa Tondo:
"I DID IT MYYYYY..."

(nakarinig ng kasa ng baril)

"...REASON THAT I BREATHE. YOU ARE THE REASON THAT I STILL BELIEVE. YOU ARE MY DESTINY, JAI HO! UH UH UH OH!

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One day the villagers decided to pray for rain. On the day of prayer, everyone gathered and only one boy came with an umbrella.
That's FAITH.

When you throw a 1year old baby in the air, he laughs because he knows you will catch him.
That's TRUST.

Every night we go to bed, we're not sure that we'll get up the next day but we still have many plans for the coming day.
That's HOPE.

Have faith, trust in God and be full of hope. :)

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Which is better:
To have a crush or to be in a relationship?

CRUSH: pag nag-hi sayo sobrang saya mo na.
BF/GF: parang wala lang.

CRUSH: pag binigyan ka ng candy, itatago mo for life.
BF/GF: sasabihin mo ang cheap.

CRUSH: pag hinawakan kamay mo titibok ng mabilis puso mo.
BF/GF: la lang, sanay ka na.

CRUSH: itext ka lang ng 'musta' tumatalon ka na sa tuwa.
BF/GF: pag tinext ka ng 'LOVE YOU' parang la lang, sawa ka na.

So which is better? To have a crush or to have a commitment?

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Crying does not indicate that you are weak. From the moment of your birth, it has always been a sign that you are alive. :)

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"Loving could be a lot like watching a 20-minute fireworks display-- exciting, emotional, romantic, sweet, memorable. But it always ends as dramatic as it began; it fades slowly into thin air, and as much as you want to keep watching, there is nothing to make it stay. In the end, all that's left is the starless night and the fact that in this life, SOME GOOD THINGS NEVER LAST."

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11 proofs that you're in love:

1. palagi mo siyang iniisip
2. concerned ka sakanya
3. mahihiya ka pag lumalapit siya sayo
4. gusto mo mapansin ka niya
5. nag-aalala ka kapag absent o nagkasakit siya
6. inaalala mo yung happy moments niyo
8. habang binabasa mo ito may isang tao na pumapasok sa isip mo
9. sa kakaisip mo sa kanya di mo napansin na walang number7
10. babalik ka upang tignan
11. matatawa ka aksi wala nga.

:D

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5 Positive Thoughts:

1. enjoy being alive. there's a plenty of time to be dead.
2. sometimes, nobody really cares if you're miserable, so you might as well be happy.
3. if you can't solve it, it's not a problem--its reality.
4. happiness is like perfume; you can't pour on others without getting a few drops on yourself.
5. if all good things come to an end, then don't worry. all bad things eventually would end too.

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Lola: apo, alam mo naman na matanda na ako, ipapamana ko sayo ang aking sakahan, prutasa, bahay at mga hayop.
Apo: salamat po lola, san po yan?
Lola: sa Facebook. apo, email ko hotlola143@yahoo.com at ang password lickmebaby69. click mo sa bookmark ang farmville.

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Nanay: anak, bumili ka nga ng asin sa kanto.
Anak: ayoko nga. madilim na. takot na ko lumabas.
Nanay: wag ka mag alala kasama mo naman angel mo eh.
Anak: edi siya nalang utusan mo. tangina! dalawa pa kami para asin lang.
Nanay: bastos na bata to ah!
Anak: ang bastos nakahubad, tumatae sa plato!
Nanay: [hinimatay]
Anak: yana ang bastos, kinakausap mo,tutulugan ka! dyan ka na nga punyeta!

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"Walang mahabang relasyon sa suluterong may determinasyon!"

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Best part of being in love is when you just love a person and be happy about it, even if the person can never be yours, even if you know it won't last forever. that's the essence of love. it's not about winning someone. it's not about owning a relationship. it's just being happy because you know you love someone, you just love and love unselfishly.

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I believe that love does not happen overnight nor does it happen at first sight for love grows and endures each day. it is not a fleeting emotion rather it transcends through time because when love is true, when love is real, it lasts.

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"LOVE is indeed heaven upon earth since heaven above would not be heaven without it."
-William Penn

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This was the first lesson i had learned about love. the day drags along, you make thousands of plans, you imagine every possible conversation. you promise to change your behavior in many ways--and you feel more and more anxious until your loved one arrives. but by then, you don't know what to say. the hours of waiting have been transformed into tensions, the tension has become fear, and the fear makes you embarassed about showing affection.

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What's the worse question someone could ever ask you?

"akala ko ba may something kayo?"

then you'd look down and say:

"akala ko rin eh"

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the heardest person to get over with is the one you never had but once made you so damn happy.

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in love, you can't see the bad side of someone. that's the weird part of being in love--that sometimes, even the worst person in this world can be the best person for your own belief. as McPaul said: "love is not blind. it sees but it doesn't mind."

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'I LOVE YOU' means:

-teasing you until you get really insulted.
-eating your left overs after eating what i got.
-make face at your back then pretend i did not.
-pinching your nose as if you're not hurt.
-sharing the same toothbrush
-pulling your hair then fix it afterwards.
-bite you then rub it afterwards.
-staring at your face then drifts when caught.
-and saying i hate you and let you feel the irony inside.

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there will be this one special person you've always wanted beyond everybody. but sometimes you cant compete, because you're just one of his 'everybody'.

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get close enough to have fun but don't get attached enough to get hurt.

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Sometimes I really want to say what’s inside me—what I really feel, what bugs me and what irritates me but most of the time, I’d rather not. I’d rather keep it and find one person to vent everything that’s boiling inside of me. With what I do, I do not consider myself as ‘plastic’ or ‘play safe’ or anything near it. I just think I have to understand. I am not good with words. If I choose to say what I really want to say, I would just end up talking about nonsense so I’d rather not. And besides, I think all of those would soon be forgotten, or pass. Yes they do. But that leaves me as a coward person. Every bad event that I’m letting pass just proves that I am no less than a mute. I admit that I despise the feeling but I guess I got used to it. I got used to it that I think I’m dealing with more lowering of self-esteem than usual.
I am the kind of person who would just agree with almost everything you say. You can count the times I disagree but I surely need a person or two to back me up. Or if not, I would only disagree if someone disagrees first. In other words, I love seconding the motion. I would not disagree on my own. I’m too afraid. Afraid that I can’t make my point reach them. I would just make fool of myself. All my life I’ve been afraid. I may look like strong and happy but to tell you frankly, I just got used to being happy physically. I’m afraid that if I’m not, a lot of people would ask why and because I’m not good with words, I can’t tell them why. Or they would tell me, “Sus, nagddrama ka nanaman” or “Ang arte mo”. I hate people saying that to me. It’s like I have no right to feel bad. Yes, I’m like any other person who feels bad sometimes but I don’t have the guts to show it especially if what’s causing it is someone who is, let’s just say “influential”. Seriously, with my personality, how am I supposed to oppose them? If they’re the type of person who’s really good with words how am I supposed to make my point reach them if I suck at explaining? So normally, the argument finishes before it even starts. If that kind of person picks on me I would pretend that it’s really funny because I’m afraid that they would say I’m no fun even if it’s already foul. Some of them know no boundaries. They do not give special attention to the word “sensitive”. But if you try to pick on them you would automatically hear words like “Ah ganon? Manahimik ka nalang!”. I would normally laugh at that but I will definitely shut my mouth. Hearing words like that would make you regret saying anything. You better not talk. What’s worse is I can’t bring myself to say those words seriously. I think it’s harsh but how come they say it with no difficulty? And when they’re the ones at fault you can’t complain but if you did something wrong you would hear words that you don’t like to hear. Another thing is you have to be always under them. If they need you to do something you must do it or you would hear words that you’d rather not hear.
Is this the consequence of being too afraid to stand up for something? I wonder when I can have the guts to say “Hoy tao din ako. Ang harsh mo magsalita at wag mong sasabihin na nag-iinarte ako dahil hindi lang ikaw may karapatang magmagaling. Kung akala mo tama lahat ng ginagawa mo mag-isip ka naman kasi baka may natatapakan ka. Sana minsan matuto ka makiramdam dahil hindi porket close tayo pwede mo na akong ituring na wala lang. Tulad ng ibang tao, sana maging sensitive ka din sa nararamdaman ko”. I bet that would feel soooooo good. But I think I’d never say that. Because I’m too afraid.

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it's nice to post about random stuffs without people sticking their noses into it. it's nice to be unknown to be exact. people i know are not aware that i have an LJ account. lol. tis fun.

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okay, random story.
i have this classmate in one of my classes. he's funny. and when i say funny, i mean, really really funny. we've known him for just like three months yet he's like a must to this class. he likes to make fun of our professor every effing time and we will all laugh. BIGTIME! it's just like that but we really enjoy having him in our class. funny guy i must say. but enough with the intro and all.

i was unconsciously looking at this guy while we were having our class. specifically at his hand. i was totally spacing out when i realized, hey i'm looking at him? i'm thinking too much. i was actually thinking that this guy's not bad. i mean, the way he looks. and he's uberly funny. and surprisingly i was wondering how it feels like to hold his hand. i know i know. i was being stupid and childish and ugh, disgusting. then suddenly, while the professor was away, he asked me if i know how to massage. i was like, "what? massage? uh, no. uh, yes i know. why?" then he asked if i can massage his HAND. like wtf, a while ago i was wondering how would it feel to hold his hand and then here comes the opportunity! so fast. srsly, i was close to hyperventilating. good thing my best bud was close by so tried hard to control myself. i said no at first cause my hands have this special ability to produce sweat like crazy and it would be a turn off. needless to say, yucky on his part, of course. but he insisted and said it's fine. then he asked my best bud if she can do it but she also said no and it was me who is really talented when it comes to this stuff. so he asked me again and i said yes this time. i didn't know how to start. i can feel the awkwardness. good thing he's joking around saying that it's like he's putting lotion on his hand. he's talking about my sweaty palm of course. then he said something really funny.
<> ang sarap. (feels good). ang sarap mo. (you're delicious).
he said that while looking straight to my eyes. knowing him i just said "jerk!" and laughed. then he also laughed.

lololol. that was crazy. and stupid. but at least now i wouldn't have to wonder how it feels like to hold his hand. brr.

Current Mood: satisfied satisfied

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well, not shirota shirota. but this guy in my school looks like shirota. like oh. my. goodness. whenever i see him it's like i've seen shirota for real. and when i see him eat or drink all that i can think of is "shoot! gods do eat???". darn. i can go to school everyday just to see him. but hey. you might think this guy's perfect but there's this teeny tiny detail that's a total turn off. lol. i don't wanna spill it out. yet.

pictures taken from his facebook account :)



darrrrn. can you say long lost brothers?

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stupid typhoon caused deaths of many people, deteriorated houses, flood all over manila, qc, pasig, marikina, and rizal. but not only that. it also caused a week-long suspension of classes. sounds fun! but this actually means cramming. for submission of requirements and such cause finals is just around the corner. now we students are suffering. and sembreak may also be cut short cause of this. we may have no sembreak, you stupid typhoon. stupid typhoon didn't bring any good to us. stupid typhoon should just go find its way to Timbuktu where it can't damage properties. and lives. stupid typhoon. :((

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Current Mood: irate irate

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